Living a graced based life

Religion will never satisfy your soul.

How would it look if we trusted Christ so much that we just gave it all to Him, admitting we can't fix whatever it is we are dealing with. But... instead trusting Him to take care of it... completely. That's living by grace, recognizing that we can't control a thing.

Religion... making lots of rules, thinking we are in control of our lives. If we do this and this and then say that, well it looks pretty good, right?

God don't fly like that.

God is LOVE.......a crazy passionate, jealous love for his people.......... not religion, not rules, not legalism...

Let's not poison the grace of God by adding religion to our faith. Let's keep it the way Jesus intended it. He called us to have a childlike faith.

The church needs to show the grace of God through the truth of Gods word and our actions. Not a place that dilutes the truth or makes people follow man made rules. Let the church be Jesus.

Simple...

I wish.

Have you ever spoken to a child about who Jesus is and who God is? They have a simple, child like faith that God calls us too. God made it easy for us. We humans have made it hard. We blame it on God but it was us... not him.

Mark 10:15 'Assuredly I say to you, Whoever does not receive the kingdom like a little child will by no means enter it."

Family Vacations.........

Parker aka Rodriquez Family 1970"s

Flying used to be so much fun. As a kid I remember the first time we flew as a family. My parents took us to Bermuda and it was very exciting. This was the 1970's. Ya know, they were stewardesses and that was my dream job.  I didnt realize they had to put up with people like me.
I remember I had a big floppy white hat and a female type leisure suit ? It wrapped at the waist and i am sure it was quite awesome.
Things were going swell until we landed at the airport and arrived at security. These people took their jobs very seriously and they were not too thrilled to see the Parker family from Orange County, NY.
My brother was about 16 at the time and looked somewhere between John Travolta and the guy from Chips...okay, that was a TV cop show with two motorcycle cops. My brother looked like the hispanic one. Yes, we are not sure where he came from.
 Actually, there is a framed family picture where we all look hispanic. Dad has a pinstripe suit on and mustache to match and well, mom was in a dark wig( no mustache), I was a little heavy into the pancake makeup. Remember that...(isn't it stage makeup really?) My sister looked normal enough, like the little white girl adopted by the Latino family. We looked like The Carl and Arlene Rodriguez  family.
That picture hung on our wall for at least 10 years. Too funny really.

So, we landed at the airport and my brother was whisked away to be strip searched and they questioned me as why i had aspirin in a bottle clearly not marked aspirin. The very cranky but also very large man questioning me dumped all of my purse belongings onto a table and proceeded to dig his fingernails along the bottom of the leather purse convinced he had scraped up some pot( i think it was tobacco). My parents and I stared at this in horror. He proceeded to beret me about bringing anything unlawful into his country.  They had been really cracking down on American kids visiting their country at spring break and bringing marijuana...... really?!
My brother showed up soon after, looking more than a little humiliated. Wow, this was going to be a great vacation. Thanks mom and dad, can we do this again next year?!

The awesomeness about it is that it is part of my story, my movie and i haven't forgotten it .  I laugh when I think back to it and other fun times. The time my parents thought it would be great to take us to Block Island. It must have been the end of the season because no one was there. Actually  I don't think anyone was there "in season" either. It was before the resurgence of the Island. What can I say , my mom was ahead of her time and..... a little cheap. Okay, frugal, it was the 70's, gas was a million dollars a gallon! I know, I know.
I distinctly remember the ferry ride over. We had just had a lovely lunch of fried fish and fried everything we ate at this little greasy spoon on the dock. It was out of a movie... horror movie I think.
I remember it was a little overcast when we boarded and i think it was a 60 minute trip. Just long enough for............
yup, my brother, my sister, my mother , all clinging to the sides. Did i mention we were on the top floor of the ferry? Poor people underneath, poor planning on our part.
 My dad and I gripped our seats, willing ourselves to live another day. We made it...
We got off the ferry and i remember my parents going directly inside the office and looking for a helicopter ride back for our return trip...... did i mention my mom being cheap, i mean frugal ?! We took the ferry back.

My kids will probably tell silly stories about us someday. Wait, they already do and most are totally untrue!  I hope they have the same love and adoration I have for my parents for giving us a good story.
 I hope I always keep the humor and joy that God has given me. Life is rich and meaningful and I hope we keep the stories alive.

thoughts.....continued

So, what makes our life epic?
 D.M. wrote, " I wonder how much it costs to be rich in friends and how many years and stories and scenes it takes to make a rich life happen. You cant build an end scene( to a movie) as beautiful as this by sitting on the couch."
I love that...... You cant sit on the couch and have a great life, ya just cant. You can't watch some fictitious person have a make believe life on TV and come away with anything but a small dose of entertainment for a moment, that will be gone by the time your head hits the pillow.

Why do we constantly repeat scenes from movies when we could be repeating scenes from our movie?
I cant remember most scenes from movies and I thought there was something wrong with me. I have come to realize they are simply not important to me and they don't make the cut in my movie. Those scenes are laying on the floor. Crumbled, cut up and forgotten.

I CAN tell you what ridiculously funny things my husband or one of my kids has said or done over the years.
I can tell you when we were in Europe this summer, going through security( if you can call it that) at the Paris airport what my 2O yr old daughter did. She was not feeling well, had been up flying all night and had it with these lovely french people who do not know how to cue up like the good Brits do... We ended up in our own line and she spouted off that we we needed to move as she waved off the young man at security and we all followed her, like good little sheep. He moved back and let us pass! Maybe he thought she was some famous american actor?! I am not sure if she is allowed back in the country at this point.
We laughed for so long as she did not quite realize what she did and we got away with it. I will probably always remember that.  It was funnier than most movie scenes..... because it was real and not from a Hollywood factory.

I want my life to be lived off the couch for sure.  I don't think most epic novels are created in the living room.
So, I am challenged that much more to live my life in color and in real time. Today is all we have. We are not promised tomorrow. I am so thankful that my husband drinks the same juice as i do. We are both all in. All in for this amazing, crazy fun, scary roller coaster we call life.
So thanks D.M.. Thanks for reminding me what makes a good story. One with vivid pictures and action shots and colorful people and always full of surprises. Most of all, relationships with people we love ......and always God. The creator of all that is good, pleasing and enjoyable!

thoughts on editing my life.....

I read a book recently by one of my favorite authors. He is a favorite of mine because he is a little weird, but deep, and just not quite right. I say this with the utmost love:).  I will probably never meet him, which is fine. I might not like him if I did. You know what thats like.  You make a person into who you think they are and then when you meet them you say,"hey, that isn't who you are. You are like this. You are not some flaky, double minded hippie and you are so not that arrogant!"

I like people who are a little off. They come out with statements that make you wonder exactly where they came from and what the heck happened to them as children. They make me laugh and i really like to laugh. I feel like I say that a lot, but its true and so its okay. I am drawn to people like that, maybe because  I didn't think that was okay as a kid.  Not the laughing part. We laughed a lot in my family. We were silly and ridiculous sometimes. But, certain ideas. A pressure to be a certain way, to act a certain way, believe a certain way, no variations and no gray areas. I have no idea why i felt this way. I do not blame it on my parents. Hey, they are a little weird sometimes too .... which is a good thing :)
Maybe it was the time, or town , or church I attended......hmm, yea for sure the church. It wasn't bad. It planted me firmly in my faith in Jesus so that was a god., ha ha, there I go again. I meant to write good and I love it when it comes out god, just wish i could capitalize when it comes out that way.... seems so disrespectful.  Sorry God, didn't mean it that way, but want to give you a shout out!
 So, would I go that church now? No, but that might be another blog.....

Back to the book. Its called, " A million miles in a thousand years". Won't mention the author to protect his identity. Doesn't that sound hilarious? I just had to say that. How many time do you say you want to protect someone's identity, like they are in the witness protection program. Hey, thats another blog too, I know this really happens to people, you really know, and you really like, and poof , they are gone....

I am protecting the authors identity so he doesn't become arrogant and I wont like him. As an author,  he would not be happy with me, but since I am pretty much writing to myself its okay. I know who it is and I am a fan...so its all good. No worries D.M.

The point of his book is "what I learned while editing my life" . I loved what this book might be about but as i started reading I found i really didn't like the book. I started wondering why he wrote the book and if he did it to make some cash and had he become self absorbed and I almost quit reading the book. Hey, i had some CS Lewis books waiting for me and a new Brennan Manning book i had picked up and was waiting to read.... so this guy had better pick up the pace and quickly.

I stayed with the book and when I got to the middle of it I started really loving it. It became relevant to me. The first half was painful, the second half was pure joy.
I started thinking about the first half of my life as compared to the second half. I had a great first half but I also experienced some extremely painful losses, but they molded me into who I have become for the second half of my life. I believe God is using me through these trials and has given me a passion for him. Its my journey and maybe he knew what it would take to make me "all in" and passionate for him. Just my observation and maybe I am just weird enough to think these things......:)

more on this book later....

Rich Mullins Hold me Jesus

Rich Mullins was my favorite Christian artist who died unexpectedly in an auto accident. I remember hearing it as i dropped my children of at school. It was a such a sad moment for me and a realization of how precious this life is. This has stayed with me over the years. I think I appreciated his love for Christ so much and how he portrayed it through his music. Anyone who listened to Rich knew his heart was passionate for Christ so you knew this was really a moment for joy.... Heaven - with his father God.

where you treasure is.......

Where your Treasure is, there your heart will be also.

For most of my life my treasure has been in the wrong place, at the wrong time and mostly the wrong stuff.

I am so thankful God has shown me a better way to live. I am thankful that God keeps working in me and showing me more. More of him and more of what he has for me. Please don't ever stop showing me God. 

Treasures - accumulated or stored wealth in forms of precious jewels, money and other valuables. Precious possessions of any kind.

The precious possessions I see are the young pastors who desire to serve God by sharing the freedom of Christ with the youth of my community on a Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday nights and the many other contacts they make all week long. 

The girls who come to a sunday night service and invite another girl to their small group on wednesday nights. They tell them they are a family, white, black, asian, mexican and they love each other. They share their struggles each week and their joys. 

Its the young man who invites  and invites and invites and sometimes  sees nothing for his efforts. But he knows the truth in his heart. He knows he is to continue and not worry about the end result. He is to do what Jesus has called him to do..........Love his brothers and sisters.

Its the girls in a small group that welcome a new girl with smiles and words that encourage her to come back. She knows she has found a safe place.

Its the multitude of adults who come and serve these students ... even when the Giants game is on :)

They are real live role models instead of the mostly disappointing options these students find in the world of sports and entertainment.

My treasure is in these things. The treasures that have eternal value.... people who are precious possessions.
The relationships we build with one another. The people that challenge me to live a better life, that stretch me, that hold me accountable.

For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also.

Hawkeye on The Comfort - storing up his treasure in heaven :) i love this guy.

To Life: Vanessa's Wedding Surprise

this is darling. Hawkeye sent it to me and it is about the sweetest thing ever.

pull me closer to love.....seriously??

"For it is true that no situation presents itself twice the same. The opportunities of today are not those of tomorrow. Live not as though they might be repeated. Fail not to enter every open door. Be not held back by a feeling of unreadiness. I myself am they preparation." 

Come Away My Beloved - Frances Roberts

Pull me closer to love....... seriously?  hmm, the pulling part is the feeling of unease and " maybe i am not ready yet" thoughts that play through our head.  If we stayed in this mindset we would never do anything ... paralyzed by fear.  Fear is talked about in the Bible hundreds of times. We are commanded to not fear. 

If I pray for more, more opportunities, more chance meetings, more relationships than how can I say no when asked to do something that is for the kingdom?  If I say no to God then who loses? Me. He can find someone else to do what he has asked me to do. But, he wants to bless ME. He is giving ME the opportunity to grow.  I should run to it .... but instead my first thoughts are, how does this interfere in my life, my time.......my my my, i am so self absorbed:). yup, not gonna deny it!

I have to stay in the moment with God.. every morning. If i start my day with him i have a much better chance of including him in my whole day. 

Seriously...... that is the word i have claimed recently. I am not taking my self and my life so seriously anymore. Do i seriously love my life, my God, my family??  Yes, but its me who I am talking about. I am in this for the long run and the joke is on me.... cause the long run really isn't so long. My life is but a vapor.

So, here I am, all of me.  I am a child of the king, a daughter of the master creator, artist and deliverer. I don't worry that I will offend with the gospel or people wont like me or they will think i am weird. I probably am weird, certainly by the worlds standards. So what? Who cares? I don't.  Why do we care about this stuff? When i am gone who is going to remember anything about me? Or what will people remember?  "yeah, she had good teeth , but that hair?" or " she really should have shopped somewhere other TJ Max, would have really helped."  The only thing we leave are the impressions we have put on peoples hearts. Have we shared love with them?  I believe that love stems from our faith in a living , breathing God.  

I want to leave people with love.... so i have to be pulled closer to love. I have to be stretched, made uncomfortable and feel kind of yucky sometimes. God has already prepared me and i need to continue to walk through the open doors and know that these opportunities will not be repeated tomorrow. 

I am free

"I am free to live for you".... Newsboys

Another day to be free, to celebrate the life I have been given, Not a perfect life or one without pain, but one that is guided and blessed by the creator of the world. Wow, that makes me wonder ... totally wonder why..... and then, I am simply grateful.

Grateful that I have been married 18 years to a sweet, tender hearted man who can be arrogant to a fault and cynical to where I swear it has to be a gift from God, he has perfected it so. I used to tease that it must be one of the fruits of the spirit, he and i were so gifted in it. I have since learned it is not a gift and not very pretty. The one with that gift is usually the only one who enjoys it:).

Grateful that even though I have no idea what the next chapter of my life is going to look like, I can look forward to it with anticipation. I can trust God to give me his best as I trusted my parents as a child when they would take us on a trip or surprise us with something. It was good and always more than i hoped for.

Grateful to love .... The night before Jesus died he gave his disciples a new commandment. " A new commandment i give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you....By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Galations 5:6 " The only thing that matters is faith expressing itself through love."

I want to love my husband better in the next 18 years than the first. I want to love others better in the second half of my life than the first.

Problem is I have no idea how to do this and the truth is I am not very good at it. I don't always want to do it,.... okay, most times I don't want to do it. 

I think if i really want to love I only have to read John 15:12 " Love one another as I have loved you."

That makes it crystal clear to me. I cant love on my own, but I can follow Jesus example and love as he loved. With his help of course  : )

Its a slow fade........ casting crowns

Life gets busy, we ignore the most important people in our lives. We get distracted by the fun, the entertainment that creeps into our lives. We are tired from the work it takes to raise a family and provide for them. We stop seeking Gods face when we rise each morning. We don't do it on purpose... we just slow down, a little at a time..... We teach our children when they are little. We sing them Jesus songs and we take them to Sunday school. " Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little ears what you hear. The father up above is looking down with love, so be careful little ears what you hear." We believe it on Sunday but Monday is right around the corner and coming at us like a freight train off its tracks.  But sometimes we are the train and we don't even realize it , because it is a slow fade... and then we check out.

My heart cry is that we seek his face soon. That we hear his call on our life. That we recognize that he is still there, calling out to us, saying,"its not too late. I am right here, same place as when you walked away. I never left you and i never will."

My heart breaks when I spend time with teens that feel neglected, unloved and unimportant. I want them to know how worthy and special they are. That they are loved by the creator of the universe and that even if they have an earthly father who has abused them and treated them as garbage at worst or ignored them at best...... this is not a picture of their heavenly father.

Everyone of us has a role to play in the raising of our youth. If we touch one young person and show them their value then we have made a difference. I am not talking about our own sons and daughters but Gods sons and daughters who are also our family. When will we realize that we are responsible for them too?  

Casting Crowns - Slow Fade (Official Music Video & Lyrics)

The nino

I love you more than the sun and the stars that i taught how to shine. you are mine and you shine for me too.

I love you more  yesterday and today and tomorrow. You belong to me and i want you to know I m not letting go even when you come undone. Ill say it again and again. I love you more. I love you more. Shine for me. I love more than you can imagine, more than you can fathom.

Today I had the most wonderful conversation with my son.  A conversation about relationships, choices, academics and what God has planned for him. 

What a gift to watch him grow and become a Christian man. He has struggles like any 17 yr old but he is choosing what is best for him.  Its a lonely journey most of the time and I pray Gods blessing on him each day. 

The words to the song above were thoughts I shared with him.  He knows that God loves him more than the sun and the stars and he wants to shine for his heavenly father.  

I am so blessed to be his mama and i took his young man face into my hands, kissed his cheeks and told him how much i love him and how proud i am of him.

Thank you Jesus for your Holy Spirit who lives in each of us who choose you. Your spirit directs us and  guides us through this journey that can be lonely, hard and scary and thats on good days :).

Its September... one of my favorite months of the year. My brother has a big birthday this month, so hard to believe. He still seems 20ish to me. Of course that would make me still 20ish. Hmm, dont want to do that again.

My son starts his last xcountry season tomorrow. He is a good runner, if not a little lazy. If he ever really, really applied himself he would be amazing. But he would rather play. Cant really blame him. He is a fun loving, easy going kid who really seems to know who he is.
Still, his dad and I push him to do his best. He is suffering from the same injury as this time last year. Of course he could have avoided it if he had run over the summer more than 5 1/2 times but, read above. He was busy......playing.
Really , its okay with me. I don't believe my kids will be college athletes. I don't think they will participate in the Olympics.  Well, maybe if Xbox becomes an Olympic sport or texting.  Now, there you go.  I think I have a gold medalist there, maybe even two!  Sweet, because secretly i always wanted to say my kid participated in the olympics.

Tomorrow will be a bit melancholy for me, and I am not a melancholy person. My husband is and he will remark that this will be the last time his son will ever run this course. I will be thinking that it's the last time we have to drag our butts out of bed at 5:30 am to get him ready and then buy the overpriced bagels and cream cheese for the ungrateful kids and drive the hour to the course.  I will still be a little sad... the bagels are usually pretty good.

He is our youngest and so it is the end of the high school era of year round sports for us. We have been watching him involved in a sport every season for the past four years. Maybe if I had four or five more rambunctious boys I would be tired of it by now and ready to move on. I tease him that i am going to come to his college and watch him play ultimate frisbee and flag football because I know he will win medals in his intramural leagues.  Do they give out medals in intramural sports :)?

I know the future is bright for him as it is for his sister. She has blossomed in college. I am always amazed that I could have been given life to such an incredible young woman. She has so much grace and compassion towards people that i didn't have at her age.

So, i watch my children grow and become the people that God intended for them to be. I watch their stories unfold and I see people come into their lives and make them richer or leave them empty and wondering what they did wrong.  No worries sweet ones.

I don't care if they are Doctors or Lawyers or even the communities favorite Indian Chief.  I want them to find their calling and they will if they seek him.

My dream for my children is simple really. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.  Love God - Love People.... and enjoy the journey kids. The prize is at the end.