Sailing Takes Me Away.....

It's time for a break, A sail break, a break from the normal, whatever that is.
Life has been anything but normal but, still a break.

I will not be able to post for the next two weeks.
Some of you read everyday... or every post, and I appreciate that.

Don't give up on me and go away. Know that I will be back.

While I am gone I am going to read a Psalm every day. Want to join me.
I thought it might be a good idea during this season of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
See you soon and stay faithful.

Wishing You A Modern Thanksgiving

Modern Family is my new favorite show.

It's actually the only show I watch on television.

It's funny, real and the writing is brilliant.

They are anything but traditional, but they love each other ... mostly and make most of us laugh for 30 minutes. Well, I guess 15 minutes if you consider commercials.  

I love the picture of them at the Thanksgiving table.

Thanksgiving brings out the traditionalist in me. It is my all time favorite holiday.. ask my hubby and kids. 

There is no where I would rather be than my kitchen, cooking for hours... really. I want as many people as I can fit at my dinning room table and then I am sure we can squeeze in a few more.

This year is different. I am not at home, it is not cold or fall-like outside and I am not cooking.

That's okay, some years you have to roll with the snow balls.. or surf with the waves.

I am at the beach 

and someone else is cooking my dinner.

The reason for the day remains the same no matter my surroundings.

It reminds me to be grateful for all that I have.

I am thankful and I will reflect on the grace and mercy of God.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving;

go into his courts with praise.

Give thanks to him and praise his name.

Psalm 100:1-5

The Game

 Teddy Roosevelt said.....

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Wise words today, reminding us we must climb into the arena of life if we are to live a life of significance. 

No worries of defeat, just a vision of a life well lived. 

Today is the day to choose well, to see the life given to you, poured out, richly blessed, waiting for you to decide. 

Tomorrow is almost here, don't miss the joys, triumphs as well as a few hurdles of right now.

Some Days Are Just Sad

Some days are sad. It's hard to write. It's hard to do what I am supposed to be doing. It's hard to find the joy.

It's hard right now to care about getting out my Christmas decorations. I know it's not Thanksgiving yet.... but i am going to be gone for almost a month... again. 

It's hard to pack for a long planned and awaited trip......

I am sad because my dad died last Wednesday. 

I am sad because my mom is incredibly sad. 

Super sad and yet strong.

It's hard to find words to mouth at my dads memorial. Words become rocks that I choke on..... hard to smooth out the thoughts and emotions and work on to paper.

 I will not search for ways to stop this or blot the pain by diversions. 

It's okay to be sad. He was a good dad..... he is worthy of me being sad.

Don't misunderstand..... there is joy in knowing the full truth of my dads new home. I am thrilled and amazed that he has entered the gates of heaven. How wonderful... and yet it is mingled with a heart that is struggling.

Love does that....

It strips us bare. It leaves us raw and trembling.

It has to be felt and worked through, like working through a mill, being ground up. I imagine it takes time. Sounds so cliche.

My friend Stephanie sent me this poem last week, after dad died. 

It is quite lovely.

The rain that fell a-yesterday is ruby on the roses,
Silver on the poplar leaf, and gold on willow stem;
The grief that chanced a-yesterday is silence that inclosesHoly loves when time and change shall never trouble them.

The rain that fell a-yesterday makes all the hillsides glisten,
Coral on the laurel and beryl on the grass;
The grief that chanced a-yesterday as taught the soul to listen
For whispers of eternity in all the winds that pass.

O faint-of-heart, storm-beaten, this rain will gleam tomorrow,
Flame within the columbine and jewels on the thorn,
Heaven is the forget-me-not; though sorrow now be sorrow,
Yet sorrow shall be beauty in the magic of the morn.
(Katherine Lee Bates)

Vince Gill - "Threaten Me With Heaven"

Life In Transition

My dad seems to be transitioning from life to death. 

I am learning this by watching.... as he struggles to get out of bed, agitation by thoughts swimming around in his head and the reading material provided by Hospice. 

Kind of like paint by number.... some patients stay in the lines, others, not so much.

 Dad is a fighter. 

He ain't going down easy. 

He's got a little Ali and Frasier in him.

I keep reading this stuff, so I am prepared for his dying, maybe not. You think you can prepare for this, but you really just follow yourself around and try to stay somewhat coherent.

And you call out to God and read Romans 8 ... and holler up, " I believe, really I do. But right now, I don't feel it... so you better carry me God."

Good thing faith isn't a feeling... I'd be SOL. 

So, Hospice....

It is a gift, a great team of people, nurses that I struggle to pronounce their names, because they are from Haiti and Russia and Jamaica... and they speak in thick ways and their eyes are kind. Silas, the beautiful CNA from Haiti who I thought was 25. He laughed and said in his lovely english, " I am 45."  He is gentle with my dad, and so kind.

It is a caring environment.... with a wonderful cook. 

Yumo, its like Rachel Ray is in the house! 

Only problem is you have to be dying to get in this club.

Yea, that kind of sucks.  

Dang, just when I think my writing is improving and Readers Digest will be calling any day, I write the word suck.... and dang. 

Below is a letter my mom wrote to the condo they live in. They put notices on the bulletin board to keep people informed.

Who broke a hip, who's colonoscopy went well, who needs a ride to therapy for who knows what. Who died, who might die and the meetings, luncheons, golf and tennis times. Hey, ya gotta have a little fun.

Funny thing,

there is a magnifying glass hanging near this board for those who cant see!

Humor is necessary, especially in times like this. It's my most effective coping mechanism. I would take up drinking and drugging but I have a reputation to uphold. Plus , I don't really enjoy being out of control.

Thanks for understanding.

Here is the letter..... ps, I don't think dad wrote any of this. Some things never change 

:-)

Wednesday, 11/9/11

Dear friends; We have moved Carl to Hospice House in Stuart.  I am staying with him night & day but for a couple of hours during the day to refresh and check things at our apt.

We do not anticipate this to be a lengthy stay, nor do we anticipate that Carl will be able to return to the Admiral.  That part is a great pain to me because you have all been so kind and loving to us that I would like him to be at home til the end. It will not be possible and at this point we are not able to accept guests.  Our pastoral people from our church are very attentive and meeting the needs of the day every day.

You all know of our strong faith and our belief in eternity for believers,  that we will not perish but have everlasting life.  I have lost 2 best girl friends this year and a son and son-in-law and parents previously and I can tell you that Heaven is looking better and closer everyday.  We serve an awesome God who loves us more than we have ever loved any of our earthly family.  Carl & I have been richly blessed in our lifetime not because of any good that we have done but because of His grace and mercy to all of His creation.  In spite of our seemingly desperate situation right now we do feel His presence and as His word tells us " He will supply all of our needs, He will never leave us and that as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil for  His rod & His staff will comfort us".  Amen

Although we may not be "HAPPY" with our rather fast loss of the life we shared we do both have a JOY within us because of God's love for us.

Thank you all, over and over again for your constant support and your love. We love you right back.......

Arlene & Carl

Happy Birthday Sunshine!

Today is my sweet girls birthday... 22 years old and so beautiful.

She is the light of my life, the butter to my jam, the dill to my pickle, the bees knees..... I just love this girl, what can I say.

I wish my sweet Alexandria a happy day, a year full of surprises, joyful moments, deep belly laughs and memories that will last for all her days. 

Enjoy each moment my sweet one and know you are loved....

You are a chosen child of God who has planned your days and ordained your steps.

May you always know love and mercy. May grace and compassion be your daily companion.

I love you sweet sunny one.

Goodbye Smokin Joe

Smokin Joe died today.  I remember him, fighting Muhammed Ali. I remember the Thrilla in Manila...yeah, I am that old.

Joe was diagnosed with liver cancer 5 weeks ago. Same as my dad... same cancer and same time. My dad is still here. Not sure how long. It's a struggle right now, for him and for us. 

But there is always paradise to look forward to.

I just heard a song by Jimmy Buffet and Zak Brown ... words went like this, 

"Come on in

the waters nice

find yourself a little slice

grab a bag

pack it light you'll never know until you try

when you lose yourself 

you find a key to paradise."

No doubt when you do "lose yourself" you will find the key to paradise, but I am not sure they were singing about the kind of paradise I am talking about.

I like their idea and no one appreciates a slice of paradise on a tropical beach more than me.... I am all in. I'm a believer. But....

We can lose ourself and find paradise when we give our cares and worries to the God who created us. Where else can we find that kind of peace or paradise?

My husband said recently," If heaven is the ultimate glory and we as Christians believe it, why do we cling to finding cures to add numbers to our days? 

He is a physician.. a surgeon, the best kind.

 They like to fix what ails ya. 

We spend millions of dollars on extending life, as if we could stop death. 

We will never stop death... if we threw an ocean of money at it. Our days are numbered and some are tougher than others.

There is nothing wrong with modern medicine or looking for the cure for cancer. It is a noble cause and people are given second chances everyday. I am grateful for good health care. 

I only need to remind myself that I am destined for another place.. Paradise. 

This is not my home. Heaven is my home... this place is but a vapor. 

I hope Smokin Joe is in Paradise today. I don't know his spiritual convictions. That was between him and his maker. 

God loves you, no matter your thoughts about Him. He wants you in Paradise with him, when your earthly journey ends.

I am packing light and losing myself, because I know I can't do this thing called life on my own and I do want some Paradise.

My dad is packing light these days too. He is getting ready for Paradise.

Are you?

Thankful Thursday

Today is my Birthday...
They say it's a big day, a big year... a big deal.
I disagree.
I do love birthdays. I love to celebrate them, especially my children's... I do. But, I do not think the number is a big deal.. unless you are 16, or 21 or maybe 101.. and then you probably don't care either.


Today IS a day to be thankful for life as I know it.


I am thankful for cake... moist and rich, chocolate or yellow... with buttercream icing. For the color pink, for newborn babies, for the seashore, the smell and taste of it. The blue sky of summer, warm sun, smell of fresh cut grass after the rain, and the first snow of the season. That always gets me.


Mostly  ....  I am thankful for faith. Faith in God and His son Jesus. I am humbled by this grace filled blessing in my life. There is no place to start but here..... I am because He is.


I am thankful for good health, physical, emotional and spiritual.
This sentence probably deserves its own paragraph.
We treat it as a given, until we do not have it. Then we would give everything else on our list, for it. 


I am thankful for a peaceful heart, in the midst of the storm.
I am thankful for a man who loves me, protects me, pushes me ... my best friend.
For family, scattered around the country, but still close to my heart. 
For a son and a daughter whom I adore. 
Friends, who nurture me in ways they are unaware. 
For kind words that soothe my soul and soften the worlds blows.
Reminders of memories watching my children grow. 
Sweet times, too soon over.


I am thankful for the future. 
Knowing that the days ahead are planned by the God who created the heavens and earth and cares enough for me to plan a life, moment by moment.
I will have no fear.

November Blessings

November is my favorite month. The month my grandfather and I would celebrate our birthdays two days apart. 

The month that my daughter was born, 5 days after my birthday.

The month of Thanksgiving... my favorite holiday.

The cool weather, the color of the leaves, the smell of wood smoke climbing up and out of stone and brick chimneys.  

Putting away the summer toys and cozying up in my house with pumpkin candles and a warm fire.

I am guilty of the hearth and home cliche, with soup on the stove, cider in my cup and gathering around the harvest table.

I love this season.

This fall will be different, never again the fall of yesterday.

I have lived this fall before, life changing as I try and cling to the leaves and smells I am familiar with.

Loss is around the corner, my friend from the past. 

Remembering my daughter being born in early fall, my first husband, also born in November, ill and dying before my eyes.

This November I am not in my new home, getting cozy.

I will not walk my puppy among the crunchy, orange leaves, holding my sweet husband's hand.

It is not cool where I am, no frost on the pumpkins here. More a crash of the waves kind of feel.

My grandfather has been gone some years. He celebrates everyday.

I will not celebrate my birthday as planned.... the husband had been going to great lengths. Made me tired listening to his plans. Wow,thanks sweet man.

This November I am reminded to rely on God's grace and peace. 

A dad who is dying.... literally, in front of my eyes. Oh, how hard to keep them open, when they want to squeeze shut, not seeing. 

What to do, but pray and hold his hand. 

A blessing to be able to do that.

This November I am reminded of the One who holds all of us in His hand. The One who spins the earth with his soft touch and reminds the sun to rise. The One who greets us each morning with new blessings.

May we celebrate November and look for the blessings that we might miss throughout this month. May we be generous to a fault, kind to where it hurts, living with eyes open to His mercies and graces.... watching for the daily miracles.

We will all experience loss and pain in this life, but He is here, among us. He will never leave us or forsake us. Let us remember that truth and share it with the hurting.

Hebrews 13:5

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."