Jun 29, 2012

"I Know The Plans I Have For You".... So Keep Looking Up.

Two days ago, June 27th I flew home from New York after spending a week with my mom, sister and her family. 
We celebrated my nieces graduation from high school. 
We screamed at a Yankees game. 
We devoured New York Italian food...the food and memories of my youth. 
We also celebrated my dad one more time.
 Then we buried his ashes. 
The way he would have wanted it done.

June 27th would have been my 25th wedding anniversary. Instead I will celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary this September. 
The hubster and I have a 22 year old daughter and almost 19 year old son. 
I am blessed by these people. 

My first marriage ended way to soon. Life threw a curve ball and we struck out.
 Too young to say goodbye, but life (and death) didn't ask permission.
Game over.

Life and loss.
It surrounds us, ever ready to steal our happiness....
hopefully not our joy.
Keep looking up.

I thought of the verse, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." 
Jeremiah 29:11
God spoke these words to Jeremiah, who was despised for being a prophet of truth to his own people. 
They didn't want the truth and finally were led away to captivity.
Jeremiah stayed true to his God.

I picked up the graduation invitation for my niece and read the same verse written under her picture.
God has plans for this one.
Will she look for them and stay fixed on Him when things fall apart?
Keep looking up.

One does not marry with a notion that two years will bring immense suffering..... losing her husband as she holds her baby girl in her arms. Look up, look up, look up.
One does not expect to still be single in their thirties, wondering if God has someone for them. 
One does not expect a pregnancy to turn into a decision... to keep or abort. The baby may be born with complications, life changing to her and all involved.... Keep. Looking. Up.
One doesn't plan on failing at marriage, friendship, parenting... the things that make a life.
They still happen, catching us by surprise.

This verse reminds us... God is still there.
Even though God spoke those words directly to Jeremiah for a specific time, they remind us today. 
They remind us that even if.... no, when we fall down, lose the love of our life, feel broken and unsure how to go on.... He, the God of the universe, is still there. 
The. God. Of. The. Universe.
Let that sink deep in your soul, where He longs to fill the broken places.

Do you ask Him about the plans he has for you? 
Every day He has a plan.... 
Are you looking up?

Jun 23, 2012

Happy Summer Saturday

Happy Summer Saturday. 
I rejoice today as I celebrate my nieces graduation from high school. 
I rejoice in spending time with my mom, sister, daughter and nieces... with a couple of men sprinkled in.

I rejoice for the gifts I have been given. 
Freedom, health, sound mind and body, a joyful heart and spirit. 
I rejoice at the lovely cake we will dive into later tonight.
Simple pleasures that make life rich today.

I give thanks and praise to God.
May the fruit of my lips be sweet to my Lord.


"Let us continually offer sacrifice of praise to God, 
that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.
Hebrews 13:15


Jun 22, 2012

To The Faithful In Christ... You.

Dale, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God, to God's holy people, in blog world, facebook world, face to face world, talking on the phone world... the faithful in Christ Jesus.

Before you think I have gone mad, read on.
I am not a Paul or have his depth of wisdom, but I am a follower of Christ and desire to live a life devoted to Him.

Ephesians 1:1-2 opens this way, with Paul writing to his friends in the church. 
He recognizes who he is in Christ .
He calls out to his friends, not as his friends, but as holy people, called by Christ. Christ's friends.

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
To God’s holy people in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

Everything about this introduction points to HIM... Christ.
Paul was a powerful example to us.
Even in his introduction we see his devotion to Christ.


3 John 4
" I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

God asks us to be faithful, to walk in truth.
If we recognize who we are, in Christ, who our brothers and sisters are in Christ, we may find the path easier to walk.
As followers of Jesus... we lift one another up, bear each others burdens, show the love to all we meet. 
Our responsibilities are the same, if we claim the name if Christ.

Our gifts may be different.
 We GET to use them for His glory... today.
Be faithful and walk in truth today... at God's request.




Jun 20, 2012

Its A Balancing Act...


There is a Health Spa near my home. I walk by it most days with my pup. You can't see in the beautiful, darkened windows... seeming to keep the beautiful in and the "not so beautiful" out.
The vast windows look out over a lake and waterfall, providing a peaceful environment to all entering it's doors.  
This place has healing in it's name. In name only.  It also has water
I won't divulge it's name altogether, in order... but you get the idea.
I visited this lovely place one time, 
for a pedicure.
 It was a splurge and I justified it as I was new in town and should familiarize myself with my community.
It was fine, but I felt under-pampered, had overpaid and not enough when I left.

 Nevertheless, this Health Spa is lovely to look at. The music and fragrance draw you in. You might believe you will come out looking svelte in silk slacks, matching top, scarf, and designer sunglasses adorning your ultra firm face. 
That's how they look in the pictures on the walls.
I felt like a dork dressed in kaki shorts and solid top. 
I knew I should have worn my Target scarf.

This Sunday they are offering a Finding Balance Clinic.
Hmm, if I can go in there and get me some of that balance Ima gonna be a happy girl.
Lord knows balance has been an issue this past year..... or so.

I laughed a little.
I don't think they have the balance one needs in life, but I know where you can get some and Sunday is a great time to seek.
There is also Living Water that will heal you .. for a lifetime. No follow up appointments needed.

I am reading a book, with some new friends called, Living A Life Of Balance.
It offers a balance based on spiritual guidelines. Faith, contentment, needs, wants, work, responsibilities, interruptions, obedience, our longings, and God's will.
Wow, glad I don't have to figure this out by myself. 
God has long provided women in my life who come alongside and encourage me. 

We need balance and it's much easier found together. 
Forget the spa, go to the source... The Living Water, God Himself.
Only God can provide the balance we so desperately need. 

His word is Living Water and Food to our thirsty souls. 
Make sure you are finding your balance in Him and not a trendy but temporary fake. 

I would love you to hold my hand and help me when I get wobbly. I will do the same for you.
Where do you struggle with balance?

Jun 14, 2012

My One Desire......


This is my friend Aslan... from Narnia

Remember when your babies were born and you dreamed of what they might become? 
Night club dancer, lawyer, circus star. 
I resisted the urge to say cowboys. Oops.
Okay, maybe these were not in your top ten.

You saw your girl or boy, married, living down the street from you.
 Enjoying Sunday dinners, going to church together. 
Be honest... 
you were hoping for at least two of the three. 
If they live down the street you can skip Sunday dinner with them. 
Just mosey down after dinner (why waste time calling on the phone?) and suggest a game of gin rummy or spoons (what?)
I am sure they will be thrilled. Wink, wink.

To be honest, my brain did not spend much time pondering where they might live.
My brain was in the "I hope I make it through the day" and "Kid, I hope YOU make it through the day"mode.
I've asked my husband more than once why we didn't have more kids. He shakes his head and smiles.
He says I had something to do with that decision.

What would become of these little ones?
I knew early on that these children were not mine. 
I had been given an opportunity to develop them, show them Christ.
I reminded myself to tread lightly on the path God would open to them.
The blessing was all mine, but I had to hold loosely, letting their hearts go where He called.

Kids seek their parents for guidance and I did not want my guidance to be selfish or self seeking. 
Hmm, that is not an easy task.
 God has a plan for each member of our family. He would not be checking in with me for a thumbs up.
" Okay God, I'm good with that."

God has given me a radar, for my selfish heart.
I recognize quickly when I suggest something that benefits me, not necessarily them. 

Today, my 18 year old son will board a plane and fly to Australia. A five week mission trip. 
I am excited for him! He will turn 19 in the outback. It will not be his first birthday spent in another country but it will be the first celebrated without family.
That's okay.
The people with him are part of his family now.

We will celebrate the boy when he returns.

The daughter is a brand new college graduate, with a real job. She also has a house she is responsible for, a lawn to water and mow and bills to pay.
She steps up quickly. At 4 yrs of age, my friends would comment on how mature she was. Maybe it was the contrast between moms silliness and daughters seriousness. 

The daughter and the son have been living under the same roof this summer. It is mostly sweet, accept when the boy acts 18 and forgets to be gentle with his sister.
Yesterday, she told me she is going to miss him.
Today he told me that he is going to have a few moments during the next 5 weeks when he is a bit homesick.
This took me by surprise.
 I told him he should miss us, and more than "a bit"
(He talks like his dad, many times his commentary has an English or Irish accent, 
sometimes both.)  

My husband is neither English or Irish. He is Italian and my conclusion is both boys are a bit off.
I kinda love that about them.


Do
Have
One 
Desire
For 
My
Kids.

                           And.. the beauty is that every child can have this gift I desire for my own.
 It is not something they receive because they are 
smart, 
beautiful, 
can hit a ball out of the park,
rich,
run fast or
 sing well.

 It is because they are a child made in the image of GOD.
The person who has a mensa brain. The person who will never graduate high school or go on to college. 
The person who will play in the Symphony. The person who will never leave her mamas home.
God gave them all equal ability to see HIM.
No worries in this department.
God has it covered.

This desire I have for them is to know Jesus, and seek Him in all their life.
This is all I want and every person can do this. It is called a childlike faith. 
Not to be confused with a childish faith.

“It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy.
 "It's you. 
We shan't meet you there. 
And how can we live, never meeting you?"
"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan.
"Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.
"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” 
― C.S. LewisThe Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Today I say goodbye to my lovelies and I put them in the care of my Father.
 He knows the plans HE has for us. 
I claim Him as my Fortress, my Rock, my Comfort.

I hope you have this desire for your children today.
Lay the burdens down at Jesus feet. He has a plan bigger than you can ever imagine.


Jun 12, 2012

Contentment... A Bitter Pill To Swallow... Wednesday Rewind






This is a Wednesday rewind... I need to read it again.
Maybe you do too.

 "A contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet."

Contentment is a word I've struggled with my whole life.
It seems whatever is on the other side of that green pasture, it must be better. Richer, lovelier and calling out to me.
Just gotta hop that fence, even though it may be 9 feet high and strung with barbed wire.

  Contentment visits me through work. A project, a task. Something I can dig into and watch grow.
It makes me feel worthwhile............... for awhile.  

The act of doing, the exhaustion of finishing a project is contentment.
But there's the rub.... the finishing.... Then what?

At the moment, physical work, creating, accomplishing, but I sense it coming to an end. I am about done. 
Time to wrap this project up and move along....
What lies on the other side of finished?

Where do I look for my next "contentment high?"

I see the flaw in my thinking. 
You can cover stuff in busy for only so long.
True contentment is not being busy.
I know my value is greater than my next project. 
Ah, now I understand the familiar saying,
"That can be a bitter pill to swallow,"
I am choking on it.

Contentment doesn't need a cover. It is your cover.

"A contented person has learned to accept the bitter with the sweet."

don't know
who said that...
but I'll be first in line to buy it.

The sweet...
 in the known, familiar, comfortable, joyous moments  of life.
That's easy, though sometimes overlooked, and maybe taken for granted.

The Bitter...
in the uprooting, unfamiliar and change of life.
It's not so easy and sometimes hard to swallow.

If
we wait, trust... we might grow.
Opportunity slides in, usually surprising us. Smiling upon us, warming us and giving life to where we had gone dormant. It reminds us of our worth, our gifts to share
Bitter can become better, but it may be a dark road that leads us there.

2 Corinthians 12:9 is a clear reminder to me.
"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

Can't get much clearer than that.
I will always be weak, embrace it shall I?
Will I let Him, my Father use my weakness and what might seem bitter,
 to use me... for His glory?

What else am I here for?
I am going to play to my strength on this one.. and He is it.
 He is my strength in my weakness. He is my guide in the dark. He is my Warrior when I fear. He always protects me and never leaves me.... never.

That's the contentment I seek. 
HE is my cover.



Jun 8, 2012

Have You Seen Her......My Mind?

                                                About two months ago I lost my mind.
That was the day I called my husband at work to proclaim the need of a dog for our daughter. 
The new college graduate. 
The one moving to East Nashville.... the place where gangs live, crime happens, shots are heard from your porch, drugs are dealt.

It's all a fog from that day till now, where I sit on her front porch. 
Still alive, no drive by's accept those who ooh and ah over the lovely new house. 
The housemates hear me in their sleep reminding them to use the expensive alarm system we installed. 
Sorry ladies.

Met the neighbors, the divorced guys across the street. They seem very pleased with the new girls on the block, though I think they are harmless.
Two houses down, Scarlett (how lucky to have been given that name) works for The City. Drives a Land Rover.... has no drapes on her windows yet. 
Roger, across the street, plays for the Nashville symphony.
 I hear him play his oboe from the front porch when his windows are open. 
A lovely sound on this street. 
Jo and Theresa next door. 
They work at Whole Foods... yum.
They are very earthy and friendly.
The British gent across the street who wears camo. Towering man with a long rusty beard who talks with a bit of cockney. 
A British flag adorns his front porch, reminding him and others of his roots.
I like that.

Then there are others. The ones we have not met... but have been told. We know the sad, the bad and the ugly.

The young boy who lives down the street with the old man, not his dad. 
House seems to be groaning in pain as does the boy. 
One bad choice after another we hear.
 The mean old man gets to drinking some nights and the boy gets a verbal beating...... for hours.
 This takes place for all to hear, on the front porch. 
Hurtful words fly loud and proud and I go inside as my heart hurts. A heavy sadness takes shape, over me, over the street.
 The boy is a problem for sure... but why? What has happened to this young boy? 
He has experienced loss at an early age and is trying to survive the best he knows... which isn't very well.
Then there is Red and his family. 
Red is a good ole boy who lives with his parents in a house that hasn't seen paint in 30 years. A husky boxer runs along the chain link fence where shadows of grass remain. He reminds you to stay away, this is his home.
 Red hangs in the street many days with "mean ole man".
 Both shirtless, bellies over buckles, vintage tattoos running mostly down their used up bodies. 
Beer in hand, leaning over old chevy truck, talking exploits of days gone by.
He doesn't seem a threat, just uncouth and unkempt.
Though.... 
I have heard stories of a beaten girlfriend, with a bad outcome and a long jail time. 
Folks who live nearby feel safe because nobody messes with Red. 
Kinda like Jim.. "You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, you don't pull the mask of the ole Lone Ranger, and you don't mess around with Jim, nah, nahna, nah, nah nah nah nah...."
 Yeah, it could be that neighborhood.

Somewhere in the background is a rooster... I hear him calling each morning, and throughout the day. 
I can almost see the Batman building (ATT) and LP Field, yet the rooster is in my right ear. 
A contrast.. like most of life.

 Ricks Market is around the corner. Coldest beer in town their sign claims. 
A lady in a BMW stops in for 6 pack of local brewed ale and a man grabbing a tall one, just one. His morning coffee. He'll be back later.

A drummer man who walked up to the fence I was painting. 
Two grungy bowls of soup in hand. Would I heat them up for him? His electricity had been turned off. 
He told me about his millionaire brother and rich lawyer sister in N.Y.
He reached for pictures in his wallet, reminding me that people lie all the time and he was not making this up.
He could not find the pictures.
No worries I said. 
He waited while I heated his soup.

Love says Yes. 
Love Does. 

Love wants to step in and talk to the young boy... but fear says, keep to yourself. 
It's too far gone. 
Can't do anything there, besides you don't live here. You just stop in from time to time.

There is a reason we own a house here. 
Time will paint the canvas of why and how we choose to show love.

Back to the dog and my mind......
I called my husband in a frantic state and explained why we were getting a Doberman. He listened quietly. When I was done I hung up.
The search was on.
In short time I had 3000 reasons why we would not be getting a Doberman, all of them with dollar signs in front of them.
 Last time I owned a Doberman she was a sweet Red girl priced at $65.00.

 The daughter thought a Vizsla or a Weimeraner were good choices. We have a beauty of a Weim who I refer to as my velcro dog.
No to the Vizsla... too sweet. 
I asked her thoughts on German shepherds? Can you get much smarter or calculating than a German? Person or dog? 
She rolled her eyes.
She didn't want a dog that would terrify her friends and "mom, all that fur.. ick." 
Okay so Weim it is. 
They are big, have a tremendous bark, and are not pushovers. Ahh, the German character of a dog. Perfect.

In short order I located a litter of Weims. 
An accidental litter of pure breeds. 
Hmm, that's how we acquired the last one.... 
Pay attention to your kids people. 

I called the husband, picked him up from work and we headed the short 20 miles down the road.
Eight darling pups later we left with two, a brother and sister
 and that's when I knew for sure I had lost my mind.


To be continued....

Jun 7, 2012

Speak, Believe, Initiate

Great Writers Challenge


A two week challenge.

First job.
Tell someone you are a writer.
Traveling by car all day, hmm, let's see.
I looked in the mirror ( the one that flips down on the passenger side of the car ), smoothed my hair and said, "You are a writer. I mean, I am a writer."
My husband looked over and said. "Did you say something?"
"Nope"..... as I smiled a little.
Passed Day One. 
Phew....

Day Two
Still traveling.
Second job.
Believe in yourself.
Trust me, I believe a lot of things about myself. (never use the word things when writing.. it's a dumb word) Same for dumb.
 There may have been a mention of getting up two hours earlier and writing. 
Hmm....

Day Three
No longer traveling, but tired from traveling :(
Initiate.
Okay, I have a hard time spelling this word.
It's like Isaiah.
There's a reason my son is Dan, not Isaiah.
I can do three letters.
 Every time.

Turns out Initiate is important.
It's about choosing yourself.
Like being a kid begging, "pick me, pick me."
Look in the mirror and say, 'I choose you."

Three days down of this awesome 15 day challenge.
Seriously....
I am going to do this.
 Know why?
God desires me to speak for Him. No doubt there.
He also expects me to give Him my best.
 He brought this challenge to me during my time in the desert with Him.

Are you a writer at heart, in secret, in desire?
It's not too late. Check out Jeff Goins blog and dig in with me.
goinswriter.com
God believes in us already. Perhaps it's about time we believe.


Speak, Believe and Initiate. 







Jun 4, 2012

Happy Monday Mamas.....


Psalm 73:23-24 says, "You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel."

Sounds like a mama doesn't it?
God is like that.. and He created us to be like Him.
He is called Father .... we understand the parental role He desires for us.... with us.

He created the first family from dust and established our roles from His heart.

He holds our hand and guides us... as we also hold our babies, first in our arms, then by the hand and too soon, with a word, a text, a quick call of encouragement... a moment in time.
Their solo flight as we watch,
tears
of joy
and
a bit of..
 sad heart.
Oh, but wait. If He.. Yahweh, still holds our hands and guides us. 
We guide our little ones to HIM.. the one who will always give good counsel.
He has them, under His wing.

"Rejoice, therefore and face each day with joy; for I have planned ahead for you and made all necessary arrangements and reservations. I am your guide and benefactor. Put your hand in Mine."
Come Away My Beloved, Francis J. Roberts


Father, today, let me trust You with my little ones. What ever the age or situation, let me Know you carry them. The burden is not mine, but the joy is and it is from You and because of You. Let me trust You with the details of my life. You are the Giver of all good things. Let me not sin against You.
Amen

Jun 1, 2012

The List ..... That Does Not Define Me...


You know the list... The one that gives us the run down of major life changes in one year and how much stress each one adds to our life.
I remember the first time I looked at this list. 
In one year I became a mama, became a widow, changed my work, moved.. hmm, what else? 
Really, what else could I have added at that point?

I think if you reach a certain number you die, immediately or at least your head pops off from the pressure your body is under.
 I remember (really), chuckling at that list, puffing up a bit with pride, "Ha, I survived!"
I'm not buying into any list.

Twenty two years later that list has resurfaced in my life.
 Two dear people mentioned the LIST to me in the past week, separately. I must admit I started adding up the major stressors that could affect me.

A major move, loss of friendships/support, job and work, last child going to college, death of my dad. 
Then I stopped.
Enough.
I am still not buying into that list.....
However, this trip around the block I am feeling something shifting.
And I am not sure I like it.
Just being honest.
I am no wimp. 
I welcome change... but this time I am searching for what I am supposed to become through the change.

Last time was easier, I was a new mom. My job was clear and I embraced that baby girl. 
She was my job.

My struggle this time is letting go, of my plans. I hold these ideas in my head, of what God wants me to do.
Problem is they are my ideas and centered around me, instead of HIm.

Today I read a passage from Love Does, by Bob Goff. If you have not read this book.. Go. Buy. It. NOW.
Yes, it's that good.

He was talking about this game called Bigger and Better where you keep trading up. It's an old school game he taught his son to play. His son started with a dime and at the end of the day he ended up with a Dodge. Can you imagine?! Great story and another reason why you should go buy this book. 
I'm not making a dime on it really, don't even know Bob, but wish I did.
 He must be the most fun lawyer to be friends with.

Anyway, I digress.
In the book Bob says, "Actually, the real game of Bigger and Better that Jesus is playing with us isn't about money or possessions or even our hopes. It's about our pride. He asks if we'll give up that thing we're so proud of, that thing we believe causes us to matter in the eyes of the world, and give it up to follow Him.
 He's asking us, "Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind, and let me define who you are instead?"

This hit me, because it's not on the list of major stresses in my life, but it is the thing I am struggling with. I say I trust God, but I don't trust Him with my work for Him! 
I don't know how else to say it. 
It's pride.
I want Him to give me an important job to do, preferably yesterday!
Did you catch the important? 
That's the pride.
 He knows my heart, my love for people, for relationships, opportunities to invest in lives, especially young women.
 He has prepared me for this move, these life changes. He must have a plan.

Of course He does, however it may not be the things on my list. 
The book goes on to say, "The cool thing about taking Jesus up on His offer is that whatever controls you doesn't anymore."
We stop looking for the things we think we need, or need to be doing.

I have learned that even though I may not struggle with the worldly list of stresses, I am not off the hook. I struggle with my pride. 
My Pride says the world didn't beat me. I won. 
Truth is....  God saved me by His grace from all that tried to harm and destroy me.

I pray that I will not be defined by a list or by my pride. Instead I hope I am defined by being open to what He has for me..... today, tomorrow and the day after that. 

I beg God to define me, everyday.