What I'm Still Learning From The Death Of A Salesman...



                                                                                     Mark Carroll

  Death Of A Salesman, a 1949 Tony Award, Pulitzer prize winning tragedy. Revived on Broadway four times, performed seven hundred forty two times. The ending always the same. Tragedies tend to do that.

The salesman I speak of shares two similarities to this play.... only two.

 A tragedy and revived... relived,

 at least in my mind more often that I can count. The audience is smaller but the story stays with you for a lifetime, instead of dinner conversation after a show, quickly forgotten by breakfast.
Tragedies do that.

Of course he was so much more than a salesman.

Yet this man could sell a bikini to an Eskimo in January, a corvette to your grand-mom in February and a palm tree to the mayor of Toronto in March. Strike that last one... all bets off with that guy.

He would do it with integrity, respect and you would have a new friend at the end of the day. 

When your corvette got stuck in the snow, he'd pull you out.

 When your palm tree died, he'd sell you another one at cost and remind you to keep it inside. 

When you complained it was too cold for a bikini, he'd tell you to have faith... the sun is coming out... tomorrow.

His friends were without number. 

He was solid as a man should be. He lived much in his short years.

Today would be his birthday, fifty three.

In my eyes he is still twenty nine, a joyful, compassionate man who lived to make others happy. I was grateful to be at the top of his list. 

I can easily write these words, no fear of hiding my love and gratefulness for this man, who died too young.

I am married again... to a man who will read this and touch my hand, reminding me how thankful he is... for me, for the daughter that he has raised, the relationship they share.

He is rich in love, compassion and integrity. 
He carries my heart with gentleness.

The similarities between these two men... character, integrity, compassion. 
Qualities that make a man.

When the lights went out twenty three years ago, I didn't know if I would survive. I had been light hearted, carefree... Simply put, I was fun. 

Then tragedy struck and I lost an innocence that would never be returned.

It has taken years and a husband who knows joy to teach me to trust again. To breathe in and out... 
To live.

 I spoke to my mom on the phone recently. The woman is a tornado, a one woman show,
 a wrecking ball... too much? 

Sorry. 

She never stops moving. I am grateful for that... and her. 

She talked of a friend, 15 years younger, recently lost the love of her life, the grief she is going through. 
My mom, two years into this life as a widow. 
Another friend of hers, the same.

Me, all those years ago at 28. 

What do you do?

No matter the age? 

What I am still learning... simple truths. Grab love when you find it, hold it close, protect it, cherish it, always  with grace.
I'm learning...
life is tragic mostly, with moments of joy squeezed in between.

Tragedy will shake us, and we will need others to pull us up, hold tightly, spoon feed us and nurture us back to health. 
This will take time.

 I thought I was healthy for years, yet looking back, I was still broken. It took perseverance, time and deep love.

My grief so deep, my faith so solid... a conflict of emotions.
I knew Truth, yet my heart ached.

Death steals from us, sometimes in the form of last breaths, bringing grief that buries itself deep. 
Other times it comes as slowly dying relationships, causing heartache and gaping wounds that never heal.

We must remember love... the joy of being loved. 

We do not throw away, bury or ignore our past. 
We cannot, even when tried.
Our past is the path to our present.
 Embrace it and feel free to look in the rear view mirror and cherish those who loved you along the way.
Even those who hurt you... there is always a silver lining. 
The gifts you took from that relationship.
 When you look ahead the window is big, without obstacles. 
Embrace life and live it fully invested in those who come alongside you.
Trust again.

Happy Birthday to the man who invested in me in my younger years. Who nurtured me, loved me and provided a beautiful life for me. Always will you be in my heart.

Until we meet again...

Conversations Matter...

 James 4:14 refers to this life as a vapor. 

We don't have to live many years to see the truth in this.

Much of what we fill our days with seems more like a check off list than a life. 

Life is more than a check off list.

I believe Jesus tells us life is anything but a check off list.

As Annie Dillard said, "How we live our hours is of course how we live our lives."

Our focus on the temporary pleasures and accomplishments cannot hold a candle to the things of eternity. We lack the perspective to fully understand this concept, our minds could not handle the wondrous things of eternity. 

We have a solid manual to help us navigate though these days and a teacher who expects us to model Him, as all good students do.

Relationships, community, conversations were important to Christ,

and we are to follow His lead.

The conversation my husband and I had on a recent flight out of Nashville. A young gal sat next to us, headed back to San Diego. Coronado Island to be specific..... little piece of heaven. 

She had visited Belmont University and fallen in love.

 When we shared this was our daughters Alma mater she excitedly gave us her reasons to apply, her plans and dreams. 

The discussion led to faith and her hope to continue to grow in her faith.

This will not be easy whether at a Christian Institution or secular. 

Statistics claim 60-80% of students who call themselves Christian will walk away from their faith at the end of four years... at a secular college.

For those at a Christian college I believe it is that much easier to drift away. It's easy to blend in, say the right words, act in the appropriate manner... all while your heart has left your Creator and Lover of your soul.

I listened to a senior at Wheaton College share his thoughts with an incoming class. He chose Wheaton because of it's rich Christian heritage. Wheaton is the creme de la creme in my book. 

So he went. 

He excelled.

He made friends.

At the end of his freshman year he had never felt farther away from God.

What happened?

Classic.

He went along. He said the words. He sang the songs. He did what was expected. But he did it alone. 

He forgot the redeeming nature and power of Jesus. 

He forgot to engage with his Father.

God in His amazing love, tapped on his heart and pulled him back. He learned a great lesson, through darkness and loneliness and he shared it. Perhaps a few will listen and remember.

Engage.

The conversation we had at the dog park in Nashville. A young man noticed my Lipscomb xcountry shirt, his wife a senior there. We talked about life decisions, as he is trying to find community, possibly a seminary. 

His pendulum had swung wide when he left for college. He had grown up in an ultra conservative church and wanted to experience something different. Now, the pendulum was swinging back to where he found his belief. 

Where was that exactly, he was unsure. 

We shared a church we attend in Nashville, as we thought it might fit him. He chuckled that friends had mentioned the same church. 

Hmm.

We encouraged him to keep searching as this journey is a marathon. 

No sprinting to a finish line you cannot see. 

At the end of our conversation he thanked us for talking with him.

There is nothing I'd rather do than

encourage someone.

Conversations.

The hubs and I watched Billy Graham point us to the cross... again. I thought I had seen the last of Billy's days evangelizing. This ninety five year old gem is still saying yes to Christ. What an example to us, to share the most important gift we have ever received.

It took me back.

Sixteen years to be exact.

My four year old sat on the couch... Billy on TV in the middle of the day. Not sure why, but thankful.

My boy said to me, "Mommy, I want to do that" as he pointed to the TV. "I want to ask Jesus into my heart." 

You better believe that conversation mattered. 

Conversations matter. Have one today.

The Perspective Of Yolanda....

"A 21-year-old woman lies exhausted on the debris-covered floor at a makeshift medical facility in Tacloban after giving birth to a baby girl. The storm surge swept away her mother." BBC

It's being called "absolute bedlam" with 10,000 lives lost, babies ripped from mothers arms, toddlers wandering the streets.... lost, alone, terrified. The stench of three days of piled bodies, while new mothers give birth along the street. Welcome to the world little one.
Eleven million people effected by this hellacious typhoon. Over six hundred thousand with no home. Without food and water for days, these people are in agony physically. Emotionally... they are wrecked and many will never recover. When your eyes have witnessed this terror the shock can be too much. 
I remember watching men board up windows with plywood, preparing for this storm. I said, "This is too big for that thin piece of wood and those nails." Deep down I had hoped it would be enough.

This is life in chaos, not the chaos we endure. This is worth getting upset over, different from what upsets most of our days. An unkind word, a car that cuts us off, kids who don't listen, mates who take us for granted, being on hold for thirty minutes, losing internet service at the worst possible moment.
Small, temporary annoyances. Not chaos, agony or anything to upset our day. Perspective... yet, I still can't wrap my brain around the devastation and grief this storm provided.

So today, when I start to wag my tongue about anything... I will stop and pray for the Philippines. I will pray for comfort, for hope, food and water to reach those about to give up. I will pray for new babies arriving into a world of pain and loss. I will pray for their mamas, that they will heal and protect these little ones. I will pray for relief teams, for protection and strength in the face of this monstrous disaster.

I will pray to remember gratitude.

Happy Twenty Fourth Sunny ...

The first week of November is birthday week for my daughter and I. 

She will turn 24 on Friday. 

I turned a few years older this past Sunday. 

I celebrate this girl all year long but this week,

I celebrate being her mom.

My daughters arrival was cause for celebration, a burst of hope in a desperate situation... so many years ago.

She was joy to me and many others. A picture of beauty and perfection from her first breath.

This has not changed.

This is not because she is physically lovely, though she is.

This is because from her first breath she took my breath away,

 changed forever.

The first time they carried her down the hall to me, I recognized her cry...

I knew she was mine.

 My Sunny.

She is fiercely independent and yet tender.

She loves her family. 

She seeks after the things of God.

 She is quiet, yet always thinking, planning,

preparing.

She is funny, sarcastic and honest.

She is a friend, who will support you, share words to build you up, never tearing down.

She is genuine.

She trusts, so don't tell her lies.

She bruises... so be kind to her. 

 She is compassionate.

She is a gem...

more precious than rubies.

"She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed."

 Proverbs 3:15-18

This year, this week... I celebrate this girl, this woman.

I pray she trust God for the details of her life, and I thank Him for the blessing she is.

Sunny...

"Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
Sunny, thank you for the love you’ve brought my way.

Sunny, one so true, I love you"
 

Fear...

 Ever been stuck in fear? 

Fear that controls you, follows you, wakes you in the middle of the night. 

Fear that lies to you, over and over, 

reminding you of the past and stealing your future.

 I have.

 So have you. 

We all have.

God has taught me to trust and not fear. He has proven Himself to me... but still I fear.

My flesh will fail me in this, but still I will seek Him, because I remember His goodness, His mercy.

So when it visits unannounced, uninvited... we must move through it, deal with it, waiting for the hopeful outcome, always finding Him in the middle of it.

God is there.

  I do not fear many things, but those few become heavy rocks around my neck.

They promise to take me down, drowning out Truth.

Fear affects us and limits our trust in God.

This is what I tell myself when I fear...

I fill myself with God's Truth.

He is the only Truth.

 He does not make mistakes.

He is in control of my life.

Nothing sneaks by Him...

God never says, "Oh, I didn't see that one coming!"

He is able to accomplish more than I can imagine.

He can take an impossible situation and make it beautiful.

He is faithful.

He will never leave me.

He will take care of the details of my life.

He is trustworthy.

He loves me... more that I can imagine.

He... the God of the universe has a plan for my life... and it is good.

The same is true for you.

His Truth shall set us free.

Be free today.

Give Him your fears, don't hold any back. 

He can handle ALL of them and you will find Him trustworthy.

Trust me.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” 

Deuteronomy 31:6

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears."

Psalm 34:4