You Rock...

 

 I read the message on my iPad.
"Dale, Hope you are doing well! This may be completely random but I just wanted to send you a message and let you know that I have been reading your blog. 
I have been a blog reader for years now and between the fashion and photography, yours is one of my absolute favorites. I am so thankful for women like you who are willing to take time and share your thoughts and passions online. 
You have always inspired me since High School and I just wanted to let you know that you still do. Some of my fondest memories in High School were learning from you and alongside you about Jesus. Thanks for your intentionality and your transparency, Jesus shines right through you. Love, Emily
Wow. My eyes started raining.

Last night as I pulled into my driveway my beautiful friend swooped in behind me. Twenty four, planning her wedding, sure to look like a Vogue bride. Gorgeous and more importantly, she's as real as the Kansas sun. We had a glass of wine, talked about the magazine she creates, writing, wedding plans, faith and marriage. Two hours flew by and I felt my heart smiling.

Today I opened the door to my beautiful Egyptian friend, just twenty. Her smile lit up as she shared,
"I had to say goodbye to you." I assured her I'm not going anywhere yet, or permanently.
This young woman shared words with me...." Sometimes people come into your life for a little while, but they make big impacts... I hear your voice in my head... things you have said to me in the past.... I wish we had met earlier.
Wow. My eyes are raining.

These ladies are gems...
These three moments, three women... made me smile.
They reminded me of my purpose, my passion.
Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I doubt.... what I know deep down to be true.
My passion is encouraging the next generation... life, faith, and the heartache and joy that dances alongside.

I am reminded that our words have power. To build up or destroy.
I remember kind words that have encouraged me. I also remember words that seemed like daggers to my soul, making me doubt myself.
If I have had the tiniest positive influence on these ladies, then my cup runs over.
These women are going to change the world.
They are brave and honest women of character.

There is nothing special about me.
This is not even about me.
It's all about you, them, others.

We all have opportunities to engage.
When you feel urged to share a kind word, an encouragement, do it.
We must share words that build up.
We must.
Because... We Rock Ladies.

Buck The Norm... Life thoughts Of A Rebel

Buck the norm. Those who know me, know I'm not normal or follow the norm.
I have been accused of being a rebel. I've been accused of not having traditions. If by tradition you mean putting the Christmas tree in the same spot, eating the same foods in the same order, then no, I'm anything but traditional.
If by tradition you mean, sharing customs or beliefs from one generation to the next then I'm your girl. I am traditional in things that count. Where hearts are molded and dreams are born.
I am traditional in the belief that my marriage, my family are to be protected at all costs. 

When I was young I liked fast cars, faster motorcycles and the men who rode them. In truth I wanted to be the one in front, the driver. I got my license in my 30's, the hubs brought the kids to watch mom do figure eights and pass her test. I took the week long course with another Doc the hubs worked with. Weird? No, it was awesome and 105 degrees in full leather.

When I was 18 I bought my first car. A hot rod. It came with a 350 engine, white leather bucket seats. When guys pulled up next to me at a red light they expected another dude. Some were surprised, some pleased. I was not beyond racing someone down a city street at 1 am. I do not support this behavior in any way, shape or form. It was stupid, dangerous and completely exhilarating.
I've matured since then. A little.

I've worked retail, non-profit, mixed in with volunteer work. My favorite job will always be one that is surrounded by people. When I was young I waited tables. I worked three different restaurants at the same time. The work was hard, exhausting and invigorating. You meet 30 new people every day, and go home with wads of cash in your pocket. Hey, if you can do that and keep your clothes on... winning right there my friend. Some of the best fun I've ever had.
I am not above doing this again, as I love meeting new people... and taking their money.

I've taken a few personality tests over the years. It's an unwritten rule in our house, not by me. By my boss of a daughter. I remember the first one I took. She had nothing to do with this one, but every one since.
The hubs was part of a leadership board for N.Y. State Young Physicians. We were in Washington at a conference and took a test for physicians and spouses. It was a mouth dropping, eye opener for us. We started to see why we reacted the way we did to one another. We each had have strong personalities and now had some tools, so as not to not kill one another.
Since that weekend we give Washington, D.C. all the credit for our marriage. Can you say that?

This man I married got what he asked for when he said he wanted a strong woman as a partner. Everything becomes a competition with us. A game of backgammon or cards quickly becomes competitive where the winner taunts the loser... cards are thrown, verbal attacks regarding one's character are spewed like daggers. I jest... sort of.

The week before we married I took his Jeep and traded it in for pickup truck. Didn't even ask him. I have to admit it surprises me now. I was Bad A*#.
It made perfect sense at the time. We had two identical Jeeps. We needed a truck. I made the deal. He very calmly, through gritted teeth told me to please, never, ever do that again. I told him he was going to love his new truck.

Back to personality tests...
A few years ago I took a test by Gary Smalley. This was a requirement of my job. I remember Carolyn, one of my bosses laughing as she already knew how I would score.
Turns out I'm a Lion, which means, bold, adventurous, confident, strong willed.
I'm also an Otter which means, promoter, enthusiastic, positive, verbal, spontaneous, fun loving.
Those are the positive characteristics for which there are also negatives.
I will spare you those as I am sure they do not apply.
In the end I will boldly, maybe forcefully take you to the party where we will dance on the tables all night. I will, however protect you till the end if we are attacked while on those tables.

Side note, the test is worth taking, even if Gary is a bit weird. You can find it online. I shared a speaking engagement with him a few years ago and I remember he wore a track suit. This was a group of professional men and women in suits, so he got the suit part correct. It was humorous. Hey, if you are Gary Smalley, why follow the norm?! Wear your track suit with pride.

Back to norms...
I remember one summer evening when our children were small. We had finished dinner and I went outside to mow the lawn. The hubs kindly began cleaning up the kitchen. One of our neighbor boys came in the door and asked hubs why he was washing dishes and I was mowing. Hubs looked at him and said, "Why not?'
He gave this young one words to think on.
What does a relationship look like between a man and woman, husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend? Can you really find it in a book or dictionary?
My husband wished he was mowing too, but he showed grace to his wife.

I have learned not to ask my husband to paint a room, or hang a picture. I don't have that much time left and I'd like to stay married.
If I want to move furniture I wait for him to leave the house. First thing he would do is find a tape measure. Where is the adventure in that?
I have moved up and down stairs, across the house, inside/out, whole rooms of furniture. Big furniture. Got the scars to prove it, mainly on the walls.

More norms...
I have struggled with women's ministry over the years. More on this another time. Don't hate. Don't judge. It's not women I struggle with. It's the design, the fluff. I don't do fluff well.
Thankfully, this is changing. I see young, strong women searching for their purpose. Marriage and motherhood may be part of the picture, but certainly will not be all of it.
For some, it will not be any of it. 

Will they find a place without being mom? I hope so. They deserve that.

I'm thankful to be a mom.
I wish we had a few more kids. Really.
I also love the freedom of adult children. I'm independent like a long haul trucker and yet there is nothing better than laying my head on the pillow next to my husband every night possible.
Yet, he and I are always together... even when hands not holding.

I think of what possibly made me different, not quite comfortable always in the norm. 
I remember my grandmother's kitchen. How many times did I walk in to find another hard luck story at her table, a mouth to feed, a hitchhiker picked up and given a bed to sleep in.
The woman was Florence Nightingale with a sense of humor, a silly streak and a quick smile.

My mother was not June Cleaver growing up. Well maybe she was. The woman can cook. Looking back she was the WOMAN in that commercial.... she could bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.
No lie.
She was a V.P. for a small furniture company, working from Ohio to New York. She worked hard, built a company and took me with her on occasion.
I watched her. She wasn't the norm.
I remember her company gave her a fancy Cadillac and she let me drive it to school one day. She taught me women did not all look the same and that was okay.

Some of you are jumping up and down... "Hey, me neither. Buck the norm. That's me!"
I see you.
The ones with babies who never thought they would go that route.
You are professionals.
Now you are fighting for those children that someone else gave breathe to... but you mold, build and grow.
The ones holding down the house and job while the husband works a few states away.
The ones who signed up for Italy and landed in Holland. You find the beauty through the pain... every day.
I see you making a beautiful life and community right where you are.
You are changing the world you know.

The ones who have enough children to make people ask questions. Those children that don't look like you, share your skin...  but wow, I see your heart shining out of them. It's beautiful to watch.
The ones who invite everyone into their homes, no matter. No test to pass before the door opens wide.
The ones who have done life with me, in neighborhoods, student ministry and leadership groups where we lay it out on the table, all of it. The ugly and beautiful.
The ones finding their way, asking questions, making others uncomfortable.
Unwilling to settle.
You aren't the norm. Thank you.

Truth is, we are all finding our way. The important thing is to build your community with people who will be transparent with you. Invest in those people.
Who do you gravitate towards? Is it the slightly quirky girl? Encourage it, build it.
Whoever it is, don't let it slip away.
I have learned much from who I did life with for almost twenty years. I'm rebuilding now, and yet trying not to let go of these people. Why should I? I want to take them with me into the next chapter.

The next chapter will not look normal to most. Soon the hubs and I will travel to see each other, spending weeks together and weeks apart. We hold hands, whether together or apart. My heart is always his.
We will build new community closer to our adult kids. Family is forever... just don't move in with them. 

We pray over this decision, not taking it lightly. It must please God to be good.

I hope our community looks like a long weathered table in our backyard, where on summer nights a neighborhood of characters will gather and celebrate life. Everyone is invited. Just don't bring normal.

Don't drink the juice young ones... I Believe In You.

 Pitbull, Ke$ha 'Timber' Lyric Video(Photo : YouTube)

 Yesterday I watched Juan Pablo act on physical desire, willingly, then turn it around and make the girl cry.

He took and then took back, unfair and cruel. He seems like a nice guy, but this was wrong. 

He shamed a girl for offering him something, that I believe he ultimately took, because his base desire wanted it.

Later he told her he was embarrassed because his daughter would see this. 

In reality, his daughter will see much worse.

 Her dad acted on what he wanted at the moment and then shamed the woman and blamed her. 

Do I respect the girl for her actions? 

No. 

But she is fighting for the ultimate victory and she believes sex is the answer. 

After all, it's worked for thousands of years. Why not now?

The other Juan wants Nurse Nicky... she represents the good mom for his little girl. The age old dilemma of man.

 He wants the sexy vixen and also the good mama. 

I watched as the other girls continue to vie for his attention, doubting their worth, even wondering why they are there.

 Ultimately they are fighting for the attention of one male.

The prize. 

Exactly as God created us to be.

Right?

Last week I watched the Grammys. The woman who sends a confusing message to women today.  She did this with her husband. It was a team effort.

The couple that has opportunity to show women their true value, but instead continue to profit from sex. 

Those of us in healthy marriages recognize true intimacy is probably best left off the table... and stage for all to watch and hear.

All I am saying is.... Don't sell marriage as a bleeped out thrill.

Just as God created marriage. 

Right?

I watched 

The girl I just bought a ticket for, seemingly singing about satanic worship. 

Yay. Just as God...

You get it.

I prefer her when she Roars.

Last night I read the blog of a favorite author, sharing why he doesn't go to church anymore... at least on a regular basis. 

He doesn't get anything out of it, he says.

He worships through his work.

The comments to his post are long and heartfelt. 

Most encourage him to look deeper, to see how we need one other, to come together to worship, not looking for what we get out of it. 

He takes the comments as assaults and shame. 

I do not see that.

There are long lasting benefits of communal worship.

Without it we become polarized, without accountability, community. We lack growth.

God calls us to community.

No?

I am reading a book about being a feminist as a Christian women. The author, deeply committed to Christ.

Her words are meaningful, laced with grace.

No anger, only searching for the things of God. 

I think of my husband's words regarding Christ and women.

He reminds me...

 Jesus came, bringing a respect and love for women that was shocking and confusing to the time. 

He saw the value in Mary sitting at his feet, learning among men. 

This was never done.

 He did not tell her to go with Martha into the kitchen. 

He said,"Mary has chosen better." 

Jesus, the Son of God... His words.

Does He value His daughters. Oh yes. 

No worries dear women, He sees us as more precious than rubies and gold. 

It was a woman that first witnessed Christ raised from the dead. 

She announced it to the world.

Here is our clue to our value ladies.

 These are some of the authors, singers, entertainers that seek the attention of twenty somethings. And what do these young ones think of the latest Coca Cola commercial, politics, human trafficking in Super Bowl proportions...

and how does twitter really make you feel?

It's exhausting, come on.  

And all those  # # #.

 It may only be 140 characters, but those ocean size articles hiding inside.

  There are lists of 13, 25 and 40 things to do, say, believe... before the age of, before you marry, instead of marrying, start dating, or stop dating.

Your life is like an Olympic juggling event...

 Visually exhausting, making an observer dizzy.

It's hard to watch.

Harder to participate in, I imagine.

But here is the thing.... twenty year old ladies (and up). 

I believe in you.

I trust you.

I respect you.

Guys too.

Listen up.

Continue to make your lists, read your books, your blogs, sing the songs of performers who have lost touch with reality and truth.

Have the discussions. 

Watch the reality many live. 

 Just don't drink the juice.

The juice that says it's all okay.

It's not.

Keep questioning. Keep asking. Keep searching. 

If you have a faith that runs deep to your soul, you will survive. 

You will come out shining as gold.

Seek the Truth instead of accepting another s beliefs.

When I was your age, some of us did not ask the questions. 

We lived for the moment, no matter consequences.

Those that survived, myself included... had the faith of a mustard seed.

That is a faith that runs deep... just not mature. 

It held fast, though it was small.

It survived the ravishes of sex, drugs and rock and roll.

It survived because God is faithful, not because I am good. 

It survived in spite of me.

It survived because God had more for me to do.

It survived because He wanted to use my voice, 

in grace, not judgement...

 because I had been there. Everywhere. 

He wants the same for you.

He will mold you to Him, through Drunk In Love, Dark Horse, and Timber.

He will show you true love is not women competing for Juan,

but more often looks like...

 nothing you would expect or have imagined.

It will not look like Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers... sorry.

It will look like beauty, and garbage, feel like pain and glory. 

Many days you will shake your head. 

Some days in overwhelming gratitude, others in disbelief of your mates ideas, ideals and stupidity.

Guess what?

They will feel the same way about you.

But at the end of the day it's okay. True love is funny like that.

You learn to laugh... especially in the mirror.

Whatever the path before you....

educations, professions, relationships,

hold on to that mustard seed of faith.

Don't make that decision, believe that thought.... until you hear from 

God.

And then.... take those beliefs, that are rooted in real Truth and share them.

Be women and men who respect, honor and value one another.

Put God first. 

It's that simple.

Ask Him to show you the Way, the Truth and the Life.

I believe in you.

Now you can holler TIMBER!